It's March 24. A month ago, I underwent surgery for breast cancer, a lumpectomy. I'm still not completely believing that I have cancer. It's surreal when someone tells you that. Eleven years ago, one of my sisters had breast cancer, and I know your chances increase when that happens, but I still never thought it would. Of course, there have been times when I'm amazed that I made it to this age (62!) because some of my younger behavior could have put me at risk for living this long, but that's in the past and we won't get into any of that! And I try to stay healthy and exercise and eat well (but too much, the scale doesn't lie!) and get lots of fresh air, blah blah blah. I look so much like my mother that I kind of thought I have her genes and not my dad's (he died of massive heart attack at age 61; she lived to 86). I guess that kind of gave me a pass - in my mind - on getting any major illness. Whoa, was I wrong!!! It brings you up short, I guess that's the best way to describe it. It turns everything around and upside down and you really have to make sense of this new reality, which makes no sense at all. And yet it does make sense, from a scientific viewpoint - once Joan had cancer, my chances increased. I felt badly telling my other sisters, because now they have TWO sisters who've had it. And my kids, who have a half-sister who's had cancer twice, and now their mom. So everyone has to be aware, and make their doctors aware. I'm not sure it will help, but I hope so.
In the meantime, my personality is pretty upbeat - I'm definitely an optimist, no doubt about it. I can be optimistic in the face of the most challenging news. And my optimism comes through here as well, although there are definitely days when I could just cover my head and cry myself to sleep at night. But then in the morning, I'm ready to face it again. And in terms of cancer, I have it pretty easy, I'd have to say. It was very early stage - no lumps or bumps to feel, it showed up in my yearly mamm. So far, it's looking like I could get away with a lumpectomy and then radiation, but there is a glitch that the doctors are monitoring. My optimism says not to worry, it's something I have to get through. And you know that tired old saying: what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger? It sounds a little morbid in this sense, but I think it still holds true. I'll come out of this stronger yet. That's my plan!
